Missing...

Don't u just hate it when u miss someone? The strong need u have to see the person is just taking control over ur thoughts and every single thing u do only reminds u of that special someone? Well i have it now and i'm counting days till i see my special one...

I had to come to Warsaw to help my sister to rebuild her appt. I had a very good feeling about it, coz i thought that i'm gonna be busy so it won't be such a big problem to be without him. Well guess what? I was sooooo wrong. Okay i am busy, i have to do many many things here all the time and almost don't have any rest, but no matter what i do i still think about what day it is today and how much longer i have to be without him.

How is that possible that ur life can be taken over by soemone else? By taken over i mean that he has such a hug influence on my emotions that nothing else seems to matter at this point. Plus it's not like me to have this kind of feelings. Usually i'm quite a distant person. Okay i do like ppl i surround myself with, coz they are my friends and i went through a lot with them, but him...? With the bf's i had i never had this kind of feelings, coz even if we were apart i was always so calm about it, just not now...

Maybe it's like this because of the fact that this is not a typical summer. It's not like i rest or relax here... It is very hard to deal with everything and i miss living my life, the way it was before i came here. And the stress... Everything has to be done fast and in the best possible way. Eeeh i don't even know what i'm writing or feeling anymore. It's like i'm blaming the rebuild for feeling miserable but to be honest it's the fact that i'm not home, not with him...

He is my special someone, coz of the way he can make me feel like a little girl that will be taken care of no matter what happens. I'm like a little princess when i'm with him. He always makes me feel safe and gives me the warmth and attention i was always looking for in every other relationship i had. Could this be it? I mean it's not possible? Am i in love?

Eh what is love? The stragest feelings of all... The most scary one, the one i always wanted to run away from, but it seems that it was chasing me so bad that i didn;t even know when it found me... But i have to be 100%  sure before i can say i am in love with someone. Eh i know that this post doesn't make any sense, but nor do the thoughts that run through my head now...

I'm just so lost... :(

Love

Love is a very important thing in everybody's lives, but does anyone rly know what love is? Can u by any chance describe what it is and how do u deal with it? Ppl say that everyone has his own definition of love, but if u look at it close enough u will realize, that noone can honestly say that he knows the definition of it.

We say that we love our bf/gf, parents, city or friends, but to describe each and every kind of love, they have not that much in common. Ppl tend to forget about the love that they can give the most, which is love showed to animals. Why do i start about that? Well there is one damn good reason for it and u can have a look:

Do i need to say more? What can a kitten like that do without having an owner? Simply die or live a life filled with pain, misery and hunger. There are ofc pets that live in the wild, but let's be honest, their lives are all about being scared that some other animal will eventually eat them for breakfast... Look at this poor little guy... begging for love and a simple hug :( Things like that are killing me, coz it doesn't take that much of an effort to help a creature like him and still noone feels "strong" enough to do it. 

Okay this one was simply homeless and hungry, but it's not only about that. Ppl tend to buy cats, dogs or other pets that look nice, but what about the ones, that don't look like from a book? Is it rly only about the looks? I know that in today's world looks are very important: being slim, wearing cool clothes and stuff like that, but what about those poor little ones, that don't even know how they look? They just want to have a home, in which they would feel safe and taken care of...

Have a look at this video, that rly made me cry: 

Amazing Grace:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKPp4j-YQ00&feature=player_embedded

It's about a lovely little kitten that is missing her two front legs. She was born in a barn, so not in a pet shop. But thank God there were ppl that wanted to take care of her. I hope there are more and more ppl that are sensitive enough to take care of the hurt little ones. 

I have a cat that is now a bit more than one year old, that my mom got as a gift, but couldn't take care of coz of lack of the time that an animal needs. That's why she wanted to give the cat away, but when i heard about it i couldn't allow that to happen to her :( Small little kitten all alone in a dark room filled with dirt, hoping thath there will be someone that will take her home? Never! I wouldn't forgive myself if i didn't take her with me. 

It's the same with my sister that has a dog now. It's name is Argo and he was found in the woods by her friends. They couldn't take care of him, coz he is quite a big dog and they were looking for someone that could give him a home. My sister didn;' even think twice and took him to her appt. Now they have him for almost 2 yrs and they love him more and more everyday. He's the sweetest thing and u can so see how grateful he is for the love he gets.

Sometimes i loose faith is ppl, when i hear about situations in which ppl hurt animals for fun or for money. I'm not like an animal freak, but hey! ppl! open ur eyes... Those little creatures would die to protect u, so why do they have to die or be in pain because of u being cruel to them?

I know that this is a sad thought of the day, but i just couldn't stop myself. Had to spill it out, coz i've been thinking about it for quite some time now. Hope u didn't get too sad from reading this.

Fragile

Fragile is a very common word, mainly used to secure boxes that contain delicate things in them, like for example glass. But there are many fragile things in life... Let's start with emotions... Love, trust, faith - all that is so easy to destroy but hard as hell to fix.

Yesterday was a very destructive day. In the morning i've started with breaking a plate, later on with scratching my arm over a piece of metal that was sticking out of a wall. But what happened in the evening was like a conclusion to the whole "let's damage everything" day. 

Okay a glass can break, a plate as well but why is human body so fragile? My sister's husband cut his leg open yesterday over a brick that was hanging out from a wall. The cut is so big - it's 7cm long and 1 cm deep... - he wass bleeding for a very long time and the blood was splashing around the kitchen... That was when i realized how easy it is to hurt someone and how hard it is to fix smth as delicate as a human body.

Ofc after the situation they had to go to a hospital to put stitches on the wound to help it heal faster, coz it was open all the time.

After they left i started thinking about how easy it is to get hurt by stupid objects and not being careful enough. I mean we study for such a long time to get a good job, we work after that to earn money to be able to have a decent life, but all that can be thrown away by just a second of not being focused... 

It is so easy to hurt ourselves or someone else, but healing takes a very long time. It doesn't matter if it's a wound or trust. But the way i see it it's a lot easier for a wound to be healed that trust to be gained back... 

All in all the most important thing in life is to try to get the best out of it and watching out for anything that might take all the things we've worked so hard for in just one short moment.

Being pregnant

Women always moan about being pregnant, that it's so bad and u feel ugly and everything hurts, but... No woman talks about the bright sides of it, why? My sister is pregnant and the past 7 months were great for her. I mean okay, there are bad sides like not feeling that well or throwing up from time to time, but come on there's more of the positive things.

Let's have a look at the woman herself. Okay she has a big belly, but everyone always says that it looks so cute and everything. She can do or say whatever she feels like and it doesn't matter how annoying she is, everyone around her will accept that!! 

She can be a bitch, she can moan that everything sucks and still she will be loved and taken care of for sure. About taking care... They are not allowed to do anything, no working, no stressing, no cleaning or whatsoever. Isn't that a dreamlife? I mean everyone loves u and u can do whatever u wanna without even thinking about doing smth that u might consider as work.

Pregnant women are protected from all evil and by that i mean everything. Let's focus on my sister a bit now. She's a great driver - she's got skills, but she loves to drive fast. Yeah, i know that she shouldn't do it now, that she's pregnant but hey, it's not like anyone can tell her what to do... So yesterday my sister was going to a store, where they sell door, coz they need new front door. As every day she was speeding. But in this case speeding is rly pushing it. The limit was 50 km/h but my sister doesn't like rules or to be limited by anything and she was driving exactly 122 km/h. How do i know the exact speed? Well she got stopped by the police, that had a speed camera with them. She was going 72 km/h too fast and guess what? She did not get a ticket! Nothing... Just a warning saying that when a woman is pregnant she shouldn't drive that fast! Can u believe that? 

Okay this might sound a bit weird but being pregnant rocks! I could be pregnant all the time, but without giving birth to a child. I'm only 23 so it's kinda too early to have a child, but tbh i can't wait to be pregnant, coz the 9 months are the best months of a woman's life :)

Let's say i'd like to be a mother when i'm around 28, so i still have a lot of time to prepare for being a mom, but all the good sides of being pregnant make me think that the pain i will have while giving birth to the kid will be some sort of payment for all the good things that happen during the 9 months.

First time

People say that every first time is special and that no matter what it is is stays in the person's memory for a long time, if not forever. In this case it's kinda different, coz having a blog is nothing extraordinary - nowadays almost everyone has a blog or even more than one... But i've never even thought about starting my own blog. Why would i do that? It's the internet and everyone that has a bit of skills could find out it's me that is writing it. I've changed my mind recently after many new things that have happened in my life.

So there it is: my own blog - a place where i can describe my deepest secrets. I know that the whole thing is kinda confusing, but hey why not? Maybe someone will find my life interesting and will feel like following what is going on in it. If so feel free to check what's going on from time to time. I can ensure u that there's a lot, sometimes even too much to handle for one person.

Maybe i should start with saying a bit about myself. The first thing u should know about me is that i'm a very complicated person, who still haven't found the meaning of her life, but is looking for it all the time, without stopping for one day. I have a very dominant family, that wants to control me all the time, no matter what is going on in my life and atm i am at my sister's place which is around 320km away from where i live. I hate being in this city... everyone is always so rude here and they feel so posh! Oh don't get me wrong, i don't live in a small town or anything, i just live in a very relaxed city, where everyone knows how to chill out, have fun and compare all that with working or other responsibilities they have.

I still feel kinda strange about having a blog and putting my life online but i've decided i will do so, so there's not rly and option to go back. Well there is - i could not post this, delete it and forget about it, but it's just me - if i decide i wanna do smth i simply stick to it no matter what.

I've got no job - that's why i'm at my sister's place, coz she needs my help with rebuilding her appt. She's expecting a baby the beginning of November and together with her husband they want to change almost everything in their flat before Fifi - that's the name of her kid - will be born. 

I've recently finished the 1st degree of my studies - the Bachelor's Degree in management and now i got to one university for the Magter's Degree studies that start the beginning of October. The only question in my head is: why do i do it for? Who do i want to be and if the studies i've chosen are the right ones... So many questions and no answers - that's what basically my life is all about.

As a woman the main thing i will probably write about are my feelings. Atm there's a lot going on in my head and tbh i don't rly know what to do with all that. Let's say that's gonna be it for the first note in my blog. I'm not saying it's gonna be the last one today, but hmm i think it's enough of introduction. Probably i'll put smth about the confusing situations that are going on in my life atm, coz it's kinda killing me from the inside.